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As my understanding of kinesiology expanded, I began thinking about how I could help a family friend. He was born with a condition called pectus excavatum, also known as a concave chest or sunken chest. This is a condition in which the breastbone sinks into the chest. The indentation can cause heart problems because the breastbone is actually interfering with their ability to function properly. It only became worse with age, and at that time, we were told his only option was a very invasive surgery. He was very self-conscious of it because he had such a large, deep indentation, and kids made fun of him. He didn’t want to take his shirt off, and he chose his shirts by their ability to hide it. At this point, I am a high school freshman, and he is in 7th grade. I knew that the breastplate wasn’t done developing and was at a very malleable state because the bones were done developing. I understood how the pectoris major and minor connected to the breastplate and, if those strengthened and practicing weight-bearing exercises when the chest expanded, causing a pull of the breastplate itself, in theory, this should result in correction since he was a child and still had so much cartilage. It would be hard and not overnight, but it was worth a shot and definitely better than surgery. It worked. He no longer needed surgery to regain the confidence he had lost. It was amazing.

Fast forward a year. I’m still in high school, and my home life and childhood trauma were causing me to really struggle emotionally. I developed an eating disorder. I struggled in silence for years. It became all-consuming and dangerous because I was so thin and malnourished. I had no self-confidence, and somehow, this awful disorder had me believing my value was determined by my weight and what I ate. I wanted my life back and a healthy relationship with my body. I began therapy and overcame it. I was back and began personal training my friends. They had great results, so other people wanted me to write them workouts. It became part of me again. I got my personal training certification that is accepted worldwide, so I could work at any gym or facility I wanted. My ability to help so many different types of people achieve their goals was clearly my life-work purpose. I was still struggling with body dysmorphia and low self-esteem throughout this time college and my mid-20s. I was very open about it, and my honesty and ability to share my own struggles allowed people to share their struggles and no longer suffer in silence.

In 2013, I married my ex-husband. He was physically and emotionally abusive. I’d never been in a physically abusive relationship and thought therapy could “fix” us. I began drinking heavily to cope with my home life. After the last time he assaulted me, and I honestly thought I wasn’t going to survive, we separated in 2017 and then went through a four-year divorce. I was in a very dark place. I was so depressed it was hard to even function. Over the next couple of years, I was lost, so stressed, scared, anxious, and depressed. I wasn’t exercising for the first time in my life and not paying any attention to my diet. I wasn’t eating in excess or sitting around consuming junk food as one would imagine. I just didn’t care.

By the time it was 2019, I was over 200 pounds. I began to worry maybe something was medically wrong with me. Honestly, at that point in life, I was only worried, because I didn’t want to risk leaving my children behind. After having extensive blood work, my doctor explained my cortisol was extremely elevated. He asked me if I’d ever been diagnosed with Cushing's disease because he had not ever seen levels this high in someone without this diagnosis. I proceeded to tell him a detailed version of how difficult life was for me at that moment. I’d been diagnosed with PTSD and depression. The anxiety, fear, and worry that go hand in hand with PTSD were so debilitating some days I couldn’t leave my home. In the days that weren’t engulfed by those emotions, I was still struggling with depression. I didn’t have good days. I had days that weren’t as bad as others. After sharing my truths with him, he told me he was convinced it wasn’t Cushing disease and that it was situationally induced. My mental battles were so severe my body's hormonal chemistry had even changed.

He concluded that stress had played a major role in what was happening to my body. He suggested therapy and exercise. I told him I’d been a personal trainer my entire life and was so ashamed to tell people. I showed him a picture of me healthy, and he teared up and told me I needed to find peace or stress would end up killing me. I left there and knew I may not have control of anything in my life, but I did have control of one thing and that was myself. I made a plan and promised myself that I would exercise and eat right.

The first mile I walked took, I think, 24 minutes, and I remember I burned 250 calories. I was so heavy and out of shape, that’s how difficult it was for me to walk 1 mile. I tried to do an assessment on myself that day, and I couldn’t do a single lunge. The walking alone was so painful at first. My joints ached in a way I’d never felt, and I would sometimes be physically ill. The mental part of it was beyond the hardest part. I wanted to quit. I didn’t love myself, and I was forcing my body to do something that I had zero desire to do, but I didn’t quit. I started feeling better emotionally. I knew from my background the benefits of exercise to a person's psyche, but was still amazed.

As I became stronger physically, I also did emotionally. I remember thinking if I can walk 10 miles today, then I can do anything. It may sound silly, but I hadn’t challenged myself and succeeded for so long that I forgot what it felt like. I forgot what it was like not being ashamed of who I was. I wasn't ashamed of who I was because of my weight gain. I was ashamed I’d allowed myself to be in an abusive relationship for so long. I was ashamed I hadn’t been a better mother to my children, and I was ashamed of being depressed and my struggle with PTSD.

Taking control of this one thing started to heal and change this mindset. All these things I felt made me a bad person were not that at all. These struggles were new strengths I could use to help others. I wasn’t a victim. I was a freaking bad a** survivor. I wasn’t a bad mom. I was a great mom who left a bad situation and loved her children with every fiber in my body. PTSD didn’t make me weak. It gave me an understanding of how others who experience trauma suffer and help them know they aren’t alone and share valuable resources to help them I wouldn’t have known about if it hadn’t been my battle as well.

All the abuse I’d endured and no longer accepted as my fate gave me the power to help others through my story and the ability to help those who are in the same situations. My life changed the day I walked my first mile.

Fast forward one more time. I moved to Rockwall in 2020 and began training here. Before I began working at another gym, I was training private clients at their homes. This is how I met Becky and her family. She seemed nervous at first but quickly opened up and was one of the kindest people I’ve ever been fortunate enough to meet. She wasn’t the type of client who just wanted her workout; she was so interested in how and why I designed her workouts. What do different types of exercise do for the body? In all honesty, it made me feel like a super cool professor with an eager student (I’ve actually never told her that 😂). She mentioned how she would love to do what I do. I told her she should become a trainer. She said she wished she could, but she couldn't ever do that. Me being me, I said, "Oh, you’re going to be a trainer." It may sound like I’m being bossy or trying to take credit for her success...I’m not, which I would never do. I saw something in her that she wasn’t at a point in life to see for herself, and Lord knows I wasn’t going to let it go. After I started working at a gym, I was able to get her to start coming into the gym to work out. Not an easy feat, but that’s another story. My client's schedule was packed, and we needed another trainer. She started working and learning under me and then completed her certification. Shortly after she left her other job to train full-time, things changed where we worked. A number of the things I had fought and worked so hard to get away from were showing back up at work. I was not going to accept what was happening and wanted to do better for ourselves and our clients.